Posts tagged "words"
That is the question.
The subsequent question: To sing the Pokemon theme song or not to sing the Pokemon theme song.
"Bottom line is: if you care, it’ll show; if you don’t, it’ll show."
Tired of desires. Tired of mistakes. Tired of goals, effort, feelings. Tired of life. Sometimes death seems like such a peaceful and happy state. And it’s so easy to achieve.
Not trying to worry anyone. No, I’m not gonna kill myself, and no, I’m not depressed. Or maybe I’m a little depressed. Not sure what the criteria for that is.
I don’t know.
It all really depends on what I focus on. Lately, I’ve been pretty happy. Just appreciating my good fortune, friends, family. My life.
Right now, though, I’m seeing dark. So many things bothering me. So many things about other people and even more about myself.
My arms are getting tired texting this. Maybe I’ll finish it later.
I feel like the puppy in Mulan when she ties the hanging treat in front of him. I feel like I’ll never meet up to the standards I set for myself. Always chasing. Maybe that’s a good thing. Always moving me forward.
"Love is whatever the fuck you want it to be."
my room is dark except for some faint light weakly emanating from some of my electronics. probably the keyboard screen or external harddrive light. anyway,
I’m in bed. Facing the wall. Scrolling through songs on my phone. and out of the corner of my eye, I see a huge dark shadow slowly cover the light reflecting off the wall. My door is closed. No one is in here. My window is closed. It’s not tree or car shadows. I turn slowly towards the center of my room.
I quickly turn back. I see the light is back on the wall. Then, the light slowly turns to darkness.
I sit up.
I look back into my room.
It was my MacBook’s sleep light.
You know how it fades off and on when it’s sleeping? Yep.
just thinking about life. I wonder how much I can type from my phone before getting too frustrated. I don’t know what I’m gonna talk about. Just gonna type.
What day is it. Tuesday now? Hm. I’m going back to NYC in about two weeks. Man. So much to look forward to: Moving in and setting up my room, meeting my friends, catch-up partying, the fucking city… man. Life is good right now.
I realized I take too many things for granted. I mean we’ve all realized that, I’m sure, but it’s strange that we have to constantly remind ourselves, right? You can say you’re grateful for something but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop taking it for granted. It’s just how we are. We have such good lives that we have other things to worry about than feeling the need to be thankful for having a toilet every day or being happy that we can walk.
But anyways. Back to me. It’s really interesting to me that another person is interested enough about me to have read this far into my post. I’m just some guy writing down my thoughts. What are they to you, right? I mean. We live our lives from one perspective— from one life. But we thirst for interaction, substitution, and even combination with other lives. We have an emotion called “loneliness,” an unpleasant feeling triggered by chemicals released by our brains in response to not having enough social contact. We’re made to NEED other people.
I’m laying in bed. Thinking about how badly I wish I had someone to talk to before falling asleep. But there’s no girl I want to talk to other than . Unfortunately, for me, that’s not happening. I guess it’s for the best. But damn I wish I could hear her voice again. Talking to me. Talking TO me, you know?
I’m sure a lot of us have experienced that kind of love by now. You can just cuddle in bed, too tired to talk, but the silence is far from awkward. You can stare at each other for as long as you want without feeling like creepy psychos. You can text, im, phone whenever; you can basically just stalk them without feeling like a stalker— because when you’re in love, what normally constitutes as creepy becomes “sweet” or “cute.”
Of course, those feelings usually fade. Especially as old as we are now, we have our own busy lives and eventually we grow to need space. Most relationships at our age have that above-described “spark” phase which settles into the “comfortable” phase. Which, depending on the balance between the partners’ attractions, can slip into the you’re-smothering-me-phase. And that just sucks. Because one of you is having to hold back all the affection you want to give. While one of you have other stuff to focus on— you want to balance your personal stuff and love life but, knowing your other isn’t gonna leave you, you partition your time and attention accordingly. You take love for granted.
Ah. What’s the point of all this? I don’t know. Maybe I need to organize my thoughts. Maybe I just need to write down all this jumble of words in my head. Maybe I’m just an attention-seeker who likes knowing that other people will read my long posts, see my pictures, and watch my videos and respond to them.
About that. I’ve recently been wondering if I derive my happiness from the attention and approval of other people. When you read that, it seemed like a bad thing, right? Relying on other people for happiness? But isn’t that where happiness comes from: knowing other people who accept and love you? So it’s only natural that I’d want the number of such people to increase. And what better way to push that increase than to write what I like to write and post what I like to post, hoping that there are others out there who understand me, appreciate me, and like me.
Sigh. Why am I still awake?
Thanks for reading this all the way through. It means more to me than you think :)
dancing during breaks
singing to random lines of dubstep.
Life is good.
I realized I like to rawr when I work out.
Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
You talked to an ex today, correct?
Have you taken someones virginity?
Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
What are you excited for?
Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
Is confidence cute?
What is the last beverage you had?
Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
What are you gonna do Saturday night?
No idea. Study? lol sigh.
Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
The last time you felt broken?
Not sure exactly what this means, but if I had to answer intuitively, I’d say several weeks ago.
Have you had sex today?
Are you starting to realize anything?
I think so.
Are you in a good mood?
Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
Ya why not?
What do you want right this second?
Someone to come over and hang out lol. Tired of always going out.
What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Yep! Thinking about dying it. Should I? What color?
Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
Sense of humor is the number one priority in what I look for in a girl =)
What was the last thing that made you laugh?
Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Idk. But I give them.
Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
Yeah— don’t really like.
Some Korean song my mom is playing too loudly downstairs.
Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
All the time!
Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
On the other side of the planet.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Who was the last person you danced with?
lol some friends. hahha
Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because I liked her
Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
Do you tan in the nude?
Kinda want to, but all my neighbors have big houses that can see over our fences lol
If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
Who was the last person to call you?
*Grandpa trying to haggle suit price*
Mom: *legitimate haggling*
Mom’s little sister: *persuasive haggling*
Grandpa: “Mister. Look how beautiful my daughters are.”
*Jieun throws his shirts on me before we go to sleep in his dorm, because I didn’t bring a blanket*
Me: “I don’t need these.”
Jieun: “Yes you do; it gets really cold.”
Me: “No I can hand— hey.. are you putting on jeans to sleep?”
Kevin: “Just got a call from a girl.”
Jacob: “Ooh! Are you happy?”
Kevin: “It’s common”
Jacob: “Yeah? It’s common? Is she pretty?”
Jacob: “How big is her dick?”
*Driving slowly past a film crew shooting on the side of the road*
Aunt: “Look for the celebrity!”
Kevin (cousin): “Oh I recognize him! I don’t remember his name, though.”
Jason (youngest brother): “I just fulfilled a life dream.”
Jacob (younger brother: “What dream?”
Jason: “I saw a famous person.”
Jacob: “How does that even count? You didn’t even know him.”
Jason: “But it was a famous person.”
Jacob: “That’s a dumb dream.”
Me: “Jacob, I’m pretty sure you’re the least qualified person in this car to judge life dreams.”
Jacob: “But it’s a dumb-“
Me: “Tell us one of your dreams”
Jacob (no hesitation): “I want to punch a whale in the face.”
I don’t know about any of you guys, but I’m not the best in the world at anything. What I mean is.. there’s always someone better than me at anything I do. Doesn’t that suck?
Adding “Set a Guinness World Record” to my list of life goals.
Mom: You called me yesterday night and this morning. You still have stuff to talk about?
Dad: I’m DYING of boredom, okay???
that I was trapped in a small dark room with two venomous snakes and I had to catch them with my bare hands.
Eventually got them. Except I got bitten in like four places.
My dream changed before I died from the bites, but I don’t wanna talk about that one.
Wonder if this means anything?
Kinda just wanna run away for a week. Like.. live on the street. Beg for food and money. Wouldn’t that be an experience?